I Found Myself Looking Back

I thought time would settle it.

That enough years would pass

and I would finally know

whether I had made the right choice.

Instead, I still find myself

returning to old photographs.

Not because I have forgotten you.

Not because I wish

for what we once had.

But because sometimes,

hidden inside a photograph,

I catch something

I did not see before.

The way you were looking at me.

The softness in your eyes.

You were honest.

That was the cruelest part.

You did not lie to me.

You placed your history in my hands

and trusted me to hold it gently.

But every time

I tried to look ahead,

I found myself

looking back.

So I left.

And time did what time does.

It carried us

into different lives.

But it never answered

the question.

And the hardest part

is that all these years later,

I still do not know

whether I saved myself,

or lost you.