My First Love, My Forever Child

When I first learned

you were growing inside me,

a thousand emotions

rose within my heart.

Joy. Fear. Wonder.

My quiet prayers

whispered to heaven

had finally been heard.

I imagined the day

I would hold you in my arms,

count your tiny fingers,

trace the curve of your cheek,

and watch your eyes

discover the world.

Inside me you moved so softly —

a fragile flutter,

like a candle flickering in the wind.

Even then

I already loved you.

You were my first child,

my first dream,

the first life

my heart ever carried.

And then one morning

the world went quiet

in a way I had no words for.

The silence that followed

was not empty —

it was heavy,

full of everything

you would never become.

I still feel the weight

of the name I had already chosen.

For a long time

I could not imagine

loving another child.

To even think of it

felt like turning away from you —

like I was saying

your life had not mattered.

But it did.

It always will.

Heaven, it seems,

had a different path for me.

Because through losing you

I learned something

I never understood before —

the heart

can shatter completely

and still find the courage

to love again.

Not instead.

Not in replacement.

Alongside.

And though you never stayed

in my arms,

you will always live

in my heart.

My forever child.

My first love.